Father Power

Father Power

WHILE DADS MAY NOT ALWAYS SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS THEY’D LIKE TO WITH THEIR KIDS, A FEW CHANGES IN THEIR SCHEDULE CAN GO A LONG WAY IN MAKING A DIFFERENCE

“When I found out that I was going to become a father, I made a promise to myself that I would be the best father ever. I would change my baby’s diapers, spend time with him and play with him. In nine months, my son was born. I wasn’t able to change his diapers very often. He’d be asleep by the time I would reach home from work. And in a few years time, the only time we really discussed something seriously was when he wanted a raise in his allowance.” That was Kartik Roy, now a successful investment banker and father of nine-year-old Siddhant.

The real picture

Balancing work, finances and family can be quite a tricky thing to do. This is not to say that women don’t work. They do. But often, the onus of financial responsibility tends to fall on the man’s shoulders. Men in their late twenties and early thirties – the first-time fathers, find themselves struggling in order to establish themselves on the work front, as well as trying to maximize family time. Many are still in the career-building stage and many a time, work could take priority. Renu Kishore, Psychologist, Delhi, says that contrary to how things used to be before, fathers these days increasingly realise the importance of family and spending time with them. “Many fathers do try to accept the fact that old norms have changed and responsibilities have to be shared.

Some suggestions

In order to nurture any relationship, time and communication are vital. The same applied for the father-child bond. While it may seem like a Herculean task to balance the personal and the professional fronts in equal measure, you could help things by making a few changes to work schedules. Some small changes that are high on impact include:

¨ Place important children’s events and activities in your work around them. Often, these small events and functions from major milestones in a child’s life and make for great memories. It would be a pity to have to look back at them with regret – of not having been there.

¨ Take responsibility for some of the work and help, especially when it comes to the kids. Renu Kishore says this leads to a sense of involvement and identification. “Fathers could try and make some time to help bathe and feed a small baby, to get a child ready for school, help him fall asleep or even supervise his homework”

¨ Establishing a routine, such as reading a story before bed or going for an early morning walk can help bring you close to your child. Children generally look forward to these special times with their fathers and this would also help in associating their fathers with some pleasant moments.

¨ Earn the right to be heard. Fathers often tend to get association with discipline. Amar Raman remembers, “My father used to come back home late and would be gone early in the morning. We hardly met but when it was time to get a scolding or to implement some rules, he would be the one to do so.” It is important to start talking with children when they are young so that difficult subject will be easier to handle as they get older. It is equally important to take time out to listen to them as well. Renu Kishore adds that it is vital to, “Make efforts to talk to the child every day about school, friends and feelings.”

¨ Eat together as a family. In addition to providing some structure in a busy day, it gives children the chance to talk about what they are doing and want to do. Renu Kishore says that one could also take some time out to play together, share stories, go out and have fun. It is always a good idea to schedule quality time for the children.

¨ Parenting can be a magical experience and one gets only one chance to watch the kids grow up and be a part of the moment. It is important to build and nurture these bonds right from the beginning. All it takes is some time and a few simple changes in one’s schedule.

Growing Up Magic

Growing Up Magic

Becoming Independent

Recognizing the `self’ and the `other’

Your newborn baby does not possess the ability to differentiate between herself and the people around her – so much so that if you place a mirror in front of her, she will be unable to identify with her own reflection. This is because babies have no sense of the self or the other at the time of birth. But over time, as she develops various physical, mental and emotional skills and grows more confident, she is bound to start realizing that she’s her own person and will increasingly want to do things her way.

When she turns two, she is most likely to begin her adventure of self-discovery. This is the time when the amazing transformation from infancy to independence takes place. Where earlier she used to seem completely dependent on you, you may now begin to notice that your child has the physical and mental capacity to wander off on her own. All too quickly, though, she will also learn the limits of her powers as she tries new experiences. For instance, she may want to dress all by herself but may just not know how. And when she realizes that she doesn’t have everything figured out just yet, she may become a bit frustrated. But this is how she will painstakingly develop her own identity.

Between the ages of two and three years, your child will continue to struggle for independence. Her new-found autonomy is linked to her sense of self, and she may flaunt it in many ways. She may insist on wearing her pink dress on every single day of the week or may demand to eat only certain types of food.

There is no reason to worry over this sudden streak of independence or wonder if your child is capable enough of venturing out by herself as yet. You need to guide her. As long as she feels that you are treating her in a mature manner, she will feel encouraged and more confident.

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