Beware Of Tales & Lies

Beware of Tales and Lies

Lying and telling tales is all right, but it should be in moderation

One of the most delightful and at the same time embarrassing things about young children is their honesty about themselves and their feelings. Yet most children also lie, for instance whose fault it was that the vase was broken, or they simply make things up. So how do you discourage them to be imaginative, yet at the same time encourage them to be honest?

Experts Say

Experts suggest that when your child is telling you some far-fetched tale, for instance, how he goes to a party every night once he’s in bed - you should respond by saying what an interesting story it is, making it clear that you know the difference between reality and fantasy. They point out that one way to teach your child about the damage caused by lies is to give a hypothetical situation. For instance, ask them how they feel if you promised to buy them a pair of shoes and they told all their friends and spent a longtime choosing which one they’d like, only for you to tell them you’d lied and had no intention of buying them at all. That can help them to see what a let down lies can cause.

A Fertile Imagination

A little imagination is a good thing. When your child of three or four tells a story they aren’t lying in our grown-up sense. Their imagination is vivid. They’re not sure where the real ends and the unreal begins. That is why they love stories that are told or read to them. They imagine little things to be huge animate objects and the occasional thundering of the clouds to be the roar of tigers. Even though you will describe the thunder in the clouds they want to know the meaning of everything that meets with their eyes. Their imagination is so rich that they put two and two together and draw their own conclusions. They connect everything with themselves, when they hear about trains, their immediate response is, “Will I go on a train someday?” Sometimes it may get a little embarrassing for you, especially when a neighbour comes to ask you that these days your child is complaining of not being fed enough. To your consternation, he has been telling tales to the neighborhood about you not giving him enough to eat. You obviously shake off the apathy and decide to talk to your child.

Relax A Bit

Try not to get annoyed with your child for making up stories occasionally, or make him feel guilty, or even be too concerned yourself. The important thing to remember is that as long as your child is outgoing in general and happy with other children everything is fine. On the other hand, if he is spending a good part of each day telling his friends and neighbours about imaginary friend or adventures, not as a game but as if he believes in them, it raises the question whether his real life is satisfying enough.

This may cause you some concern as there may be a reason for his making up stories, making you doubt yourself or the time you are able to spend with him or could he be lonely or is there any other reason for his peculiar behaviour. Part of the remedy may be finding him children the same age to play with and helping him enjoy them. Another possibility for his telling tales could depend on whether he has an easygoing companionship with you. You would be the kind of parent who roughhouses a lot with the children or keeps them at a distance to be seen and not heard. Therefore the easy camaraderie that he shares with you, could help your child to keep in touch with reality, as then he doesn’t need to make up stories. He can tell you what is on his mind and you may have an answer ready for him, even a very believable story.

Communication Is Important

You need to talk a lot with your children. They constantly need hugging and piggyback rides, as this is how you spend time with them and therefore bringing them close to you. They need to share in your jokes and friendly conversations and feel a part of the real complete whole. If you, on the other hand, are undemonstrative and unresponsive with them, they begin to dream of comfy, understanding playmates as the hungry man dreams of chocolate bars. If you are always disapproving, your child is likely to invent a wicked companion whom he will blame for the naughty things he may have done or would like to do. If children are living largely in the imagination and not adjusting well with other children, especially by the age of four years, a psychiatrist should be able to find out what they are lacking.

Are Parents To Blame?

Sometimes it may happen that the parent too has always lived a great deal in her or his imagination and is therefore, delighted to find how imaginative the child too is. So he overfills the child with stories, and they both live for hours in fairyland. This may pose to be a very possible psychological threat, as you are not encouraging the child to live a normal life. You may be stopping him from believing in what is real and therefore, confuse him to appreciating all that is imaginary but unreal. This could culminate in your child’s brain from developing fully and be able to handle life only in the world of make-believe. Your child may be weaned away from interest in real people and things and have a harder time later adjusting to the world.

Therefore, all children tell tall tales and it is actually a great part of growing up. But the crux of the matter lies in letting it be there at the periphery of growing up and not letting it become your child’s entire life. And it is upto you to ensure that your child is well adjusted and balanced.