A Fair Share

A Fair Share

Teach your child the skill of give and take

You take your three-year-old to a park and leave her to play in the sand and watch her play with other children. Suddenly you hear your child scream as the toddler she is playing with is snatching her teddy. You cajole her to share her teddy with her friend but she is no mood to oblige and the poor teddy is about to be torn apart between the two of them.

Clinging to their toys is natural to all children but it is also necessary to teach them to share and reinforce the habit, though ever so gently.

A small beginning

Around two years of age, toddlers start to understand the concept of possession and along with this develop the feelings of jealousy and anger.

Two-and-a-half-year-old children make a world around them, which includes their parents and toys. This gives them a feeling of security. Mine means preservation. Even if they have no interest in a particular toy, they are very possessive about it. At this stage you can begin to instill the idea of sharing by telling your child `this is Tina’s ball let us ask whether she will share it with you.”

Teach them the way they will understand

“I observed that my three-year-old son Rohit never shared things with others. One hay I bought two packets of wafers, one for him and the other for myself. I gave him some wafers from my packet. In return, Rohit very reluctantly took out one piece from his packet and gave it to me. And I made it a point to teach him to share though such small activities. Very soon I began to observe that he was sharing his toys and eatables comfortably with others,” says Rashmi Chug.

Be their role models

Sharing is not about giving alone but also taking permission of the owner before taking. We need to teach our children to take permission before taking someone else’s things. We ourselves should practise this habit and children will do it naturally. When they do so, appreciate their effort with a hug, smile or a compliment, which will motivate them to keep up.

Sharing with siblings

The arrival of a sibling may make your three-year-old child feel insecure as your attention gets divided. She will become very possessive about her toys. Many children have difficulty in sharing with their siblings because of this feeling of rivalry. Reassure your child and let her feel that nobody can take away her things or place.

Don’t keep telling the elder sibling to give or share her toys. Instead, if one sibling owns the toy, the other must ask permission to use it, this creates a respect for each other’s possessions. When one sibling refuses to give her toy do not scold her or confiscate the toy. But make a mutual agreement that if one gives a toy the other one gives his toy in return and after they finish playing they return the toys, Every time you see your children having a fight over a toy do not jump in to intervene. Let them be, many times they sort out the problem themselves.

Sharing with friends

When you take your three-year-old to your friend’s house or when a friend’s children come over it is a good time to encourage a sharing attitude. Tell your child in advance about the other children coming over to your house. Ask him to take out the toys that he would like to share. By taking his permission you have given him the space and shown respect for his possessions and set to rest his anxiety.

Remember your kid may be worried that his toy will be broken or spoiled. When other children come to play with his toys, tell them firmly that toys should be handled nicely and if they are not, you will take them away.

Also draw home the point to your child that other children will let him play with their toys only when he shares his toys with them.

When you take your child to a friend’s house, the habit of taking permission before taking something, that you have inculcated, will stand him in good stead. If your child happens to damage or break another child’s toy, help him realise how his friend would be feeling about it. Guide him into making amends with words and gestures. This will teach him to be responsible and sensitive about using other’s things.