Bridging the Gap

Learning to appreciate and accept differences

Some children live in homes where they are read to every day. Other children are sung to every day. Some children live with their mother and father. Some live with grandparents and a single parent. Some speak Hindi, some Tamil, most speak English, but some do not. Some go to the temple everyday, others go to a gurudwara or a church, one in a while.

When these children enter school, they bring with them a vast range of early childhood experiences, skills and knowledge. How best do we prepare our children to meet the challenges and reap the benefits of the increasingly diverse world they will inherit? By making them aware of differences and accepting them. Positive awareness of differences across race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, economic and peer identity increases positive understanding. Never before was this more apparent than now, with the recent terrorist attacks in the United States, and their aftermath. Dialoguing across differences in the classrooms will create environments where there is no room for misconceptions or myths. We can raise children to value diversity, teach them to respect and value people regardless of their physical abilities, economic background or the language they speak.

Fearing differences

Why do we fear differences? Psychologists say that our comfort zones are threatened when we face differences, because it is easier to discuss our similarities. A lack of understanding and, perhaps, fear of something that is different, perpetuates myths and stereotypes. Schools need to then become an environment where students learn, apart from academics, an appreciable amount of other skills: the ability to reason; to argue without hostility; to tolerate and respect other people’s viewpoints; to be empathetic to others. Teachers and parents then must give out the same message – that everyone has differences, and that it is not a bad thing.

Appreciating individuality

The challenge for the education system is to treat each child as an individual. If one treats everyone the same, you are not using each child’s uniqueness. Psychologists assert that we should seek and recognise differences and help each child feel comfortable with those. Which is why some schools believe in integrating children with disabilities into a regular classroom at the pre-school and primary level. A primary benefit of integrating children with disabilities into early childhood settings is that all children learn to accept differences in other children. Integration also provides children with disabilities with more normalized experiences and chances to socialize.

According to experts, all children have behaviour that can be annoying. If a child with a disability doesn’t understand what bothers other children, such as putting their arms around another child and getting into their space, then the disability rather than the behaviour, can be seen as the problem. It is the role of the teacher to help the children to relate successfully. So that what was difficult to understand for the children who do not have disabilities then becomes only something different, and they learn to appreciate the diversity.

Learning to value differences

According to the Montessori system, though we are all the same inside, we are very different from one another in the ways we live our lives and perceive the world. We must learn to see people as they really are, and not be afraid of that which is strange and vastly different from our own ways. With older children, this readily extends to the study of political and moral differences among societies.

Of course, expert’s caution that it does not mean to suggest that we ought to teach children that everything people do is equally good. As mankind matures, we have begun to develop global standards by which we judge certain actions and political systems to be destructive of the human spirit.

Psychologists say that children begin to form ideas about themselves and other people long before they start proper school, so it is important to begin teaching antibias lessons early. And if schools reinforce these lessons, children will learn to appreciate, rather than fear differences and to recognise bias and stereotype when they see them. After all, is not the goal of education to prepare children to grapple with the real issues of their times.

When does it start?

An important task for parents is to help children learn about acceptable behaviour and caring attitudes towards others from the beginning. The foundation of self-awareness is laid when children are still babies and toddlers. At this stage the child is only learning what is `me’ and what is not `me’.

By age two children begin to realise and explore physical differences. Natural curiosity will lead to questions about differences. At this age experts say, children are better at noticing differences among people. However, their thinking is still limited, and it is easy for them to believe stereotypes and form pre-prejudices. Research shows that children are aware of gender differences and stereotypes at around the age of two to three years. And by age four or five, children want to show mastery of their gender roles, which are more rigid and stereotyped than they will be later.

By age five or six, children can make distinctions between members of the same cultural or racial group. They are developing social skills and enjoy exploring the culture of their friends. They continue to ask questions about physical differences, and now, say experts, they understand the explanation for these.

During the early primary years (ages six and seven) children can consider multiple attributes at one time. They understand how one person can be member of several different groups – for instance one person can be a part of a family, a classroom, a culture, a religion. Children at this age are also aware of feelings of pride and shame. They may also be aware of racism against their own group and religion.

The goal of parents and teachers is to help all children develop a positive self-concept and feel proud of who they are, although, we don’t want them to feel superior to other groups. If this positive sense of self and others is allowed to flourish, children will become adults who accept and affirm differences, identify unfair situations, and strive to eliminate prejudice of any sort.