A Shared Goal

A Shared Goal

Balancing the role of teachers and parents

Apart from parents, teachers, during school years, are probably the greatest influence on a child’s life, learning and process of growth and socialization. A teacher’s involvement in your child’s life would commence as soon as a child’s life would commence as soon as a child is enrolled into school.

The teacher’s influence

Your child may be affected differently by the behaviour and personality of the teacher. While a younger child may value the teacher who is warm and nurturing, who can bring her out, an older child would probably value the capabilities of a teacher who is good at instructing her. At that age, a teacher who has the answers to her questions, and is friendly, would be respected. Studies have shown that students participate in activities and in class, respond with more expression and feeling, and show greater independence in class when the teacher is warm, flexible and has the air of gentle discipline. Such an attitude in a teacher would also have a positive effect on a child who has not been performing well previously or had little academic motivation. Similarly, a shy child who is uncomfortable in mixing with other children can be drawn into social interaction and enjoy her life in school with positive encouragement from the teacher and the parent.

Parents as teachers

As a parent, most of us want to help our child grow; to provide a firm foundation for her emotional, social and academic development. Parents too, are the significant teachers in their child’s life, along with teachers and the outside influences contributing to her education and life-long learning. Many research studies conclusively demonstrate that children whose parents are involved in their schooling are more likely to succeed both in school and in their professions later on. As your child would grow older, your role in her life in school would involve striking a balance between providing support and encouraging independence. In today’s busy lifestyles, parental involvement in your child’s school and her relation with her teachers may be limited. Taking the initiative, keeping your self involved in her learning process, and inviting the same confidence from the teacher would help all of you to chart her development and growth.

Striving for balance

Teachers have a pivotal role to play in establishing and maintaining sound parent involvement in the child’s learning process. An involved parent would be almost like a teacher’s ally, coordinating learning at home with the school assignments, helping her stay on track in school work, and working alongside the teachers in resolving and overcoming any problems that crop up along the way. A cordial relationship between you and the teacher can help you and your child to select, develop, and follow through on her educational and career goals. You can have an access to her educational goals and other information about her life in school and be an involved parent. Visiting, meeting and communicating with your child’s various subject teachers is one of the ways by which you can gain first-hand information and support to encourage your child. It could also be an opportunity for both of you to share and confer on efforts needed to meet any special needs or requirements. Make parent-teacher collaboration the norm rather than the exception. If you think having a regular correspondence with your child’s teacher would be beneficial for your child then, don’t wait for the bi-annual `parent-teacher’s association meetings’ to keep in touch with the teacher.

You as a parent can also help the teacher to relate to the home environment and background of your child in order to nurture a deeper understanding between them. Both of you have to trust each other for neither of you have an easy role to play in the child’s life. As your child would progress through school, you can help her to learn at home, and with the help of the teacher monitor her progress, and encourage other activities she may be showing an interest in at school.

Different concerns

When a pre-schooler is asked of her day at school, she may probably say it was `fine’. A child in the second class may complain to you that the other children hit her and that she `never wants to go to school again.’ Your child in class five might one-day say that she hates her teacher as she changed her seat in class and that she does not want to be separated from her peers. Your adolescent may be studying often and for long hours, yet suddenly most of her grades would be falling. A teenager might not want to share with you and when questioned may give the standard everything-is-same-in-school reply!

These situations may be characteristic of the concerns and challenges faced by you as your child progresses through school. One of the questions on your mind may be, `When should I contact my child’s teacher?’ Or, `How can a parent-teacher partnership prevent any difficulties in the child’s school life?, You may even wonder whether your doubts are serious enough to seek help from the teacher or the school and how to make contact with the appropriate person.

Voice your concerns

If you have any concerns about your child’s education and participation in school, it may be best to voice them to her teacher. Rather than trying to broach the topic casually when you go to pick up your child, it may be helpful to make an appointment with the teacher first. And avoid discussing any concerns in front of a young child – it can confuse her or lead her to disrespect the teacher.

Surprising, like you even teachers may feel anxious about communicating with the parents. Seeing your responsiveness and involvement in your child’s life may show to the teacher your willingness to collaborate with her about your child’s education. It is only gradually that open communication and effective partnership, and a better understanding may be achieved. At the same time, both of you may first need to listen to the child with empathy and an open mind; to encourage each other to examine and work out any problems. Even if there are no problem areas, you may find that the time spent in getting to know her teacher and school life would be invaluable in establishing a richer bond between all of you.

Almost all organizations have procedures and their policies for resolving and working out any issues. Schools are certainly no exception, and their procedures may vary. Keep abreast of the school’s rules and culture for effective parent-teacher partnerships.

Becoming responsive

A friend of mine who teaches pre-schoolers felt that parents often expect miracles from their child’s teachers. She told me, “I feel every parent wants to find answers to any of their child’s problems straight away. But my experience of dealing with different children and parents has taught me they have faith and trust in us. For one of the many functions in the school, I didn’t think the children should `perform’ for the parents. Instead, for the special occasion, children made a card for their parents. I didn’t know how the parents would take to the change but many parents came up to me and said they were touched by their child’s efforts. I realised that one has to justify what one is doing and that there needs to be open communication with parents so that they too are able to understand my aims and objectives for their child’s learning.”

A matter of reassurance

Both of you can then work together to recognise the complexities of each parent-teacher-student relationship-sharing the triumphant moments and providing reassurances as and when required. One of the other experiences that my friend shared was about this child in her class who was really shy. Talking with her parents, she realised that she had very few friends and the mother was worried how she would make it in school. The mother herself had been very shy throughout school and had some very negative experiences. Sharing her concerns and communicating regularly with her teacher, not only reassured her but gave them the space and the confidence to do the best for the child. Valuing each other’s space, role and responsibility in the child’s life may help to build up a rewarding partnership.

As you’ll become involved in your child’s learning, you’d be attuned to her and the teacher’s perspectives and concerns. And the teacher too, would get the chance to support and assist you and gain your confidence and trust and vice versa. The shift to responsiveness and collaboration would lead to a mutually supportive relationship based on respect and open communication. Informal exchanges, sharing stories of your experiences with teachers and school, and encouraging confidences may be one of the ways to engage your child too, in your efforts to stay connected to her learning. Participating in school programmes, attending extra-curricular activities – would be just as important when she is an adolescent as when she was younger. When you invest your time and energy in your adolescent’s education, you’ll be sending a strong message to your child’s school about what’s important to you.

You have valuable insights of offer to the teacher about your child’s background, family experiences and strategies that could help your child to reach her potential. Along with the school body, you can be equal partners in her education and can contribute to her learning.

For effective guidance

The expectations of the parents and the teacher can have an influence on the way the child would respond to school and learning; her motivation; her own expectations of success and self-esteem. Teachers may at times, behave differently with children from whom they have high expectations, than with those whom they think less capable. As at home with her parents, in school too the role of praise and criticism must walk through the middle path. If the praise is contingent, meaning given for a good performance, it is likely to raise and reinforce a student’s capabilities. If she is praised indiscriminately on the other hand, the praise then, becomes meaningless.

Teachers, to a very large extent, help children to form an idea of her ability. And the attitudes of both parents and teachers may then, affect the way in which a child evaluates her skills and ability. It is believed that the parents’ perception of the child’s ability may have a direct influence on the child’s confidence and self-belief. On the other hand, parental perceptions may in turn be influenced by evaluations made by teachers.

One-to-one

It is important for parents to keep closely in touch with their child’s school and teachers as a great part of her life is spent there. These meetings then, offer an opportunity for both the parents and the teachers to discuss the child’s progress without reservations and to erase any differences. A flexible attitude by both of you would be instrumental in helping the child, as would your being open to suggestions.

Positive reinforcement

Qualities such as self-esteem, perseverance, confidence, emotional stability would help him to accomplish what she wants to achieve. Your child’s school and the teachers can not alone be the contributors to her development; parents and the home environment play an integral role as well. As both are integral factors, it is important that both of you work together and try to bridge any gaps that may exist, forging a bond between the three of you.

We may see teacher-parent relationships during early childhood as separate entities. However, the inter-connectedness of parents and teachers lies in their very commitment to children and in exploring ways to enhance their potential. There may be even a narrow focus on some of the distinctive element of such a relationship – teacher’s perceptions of parents’ competence, parents’ satisfaction with the efforts of the teacher – which may try to obscure the complexity of the equation. Day-to-day contact between you and the teacher is neither necessary nor needed but what is important is your responsiveness.