Hurry Up Taking Time Over Everything

Hurry Up

Taking time over everything

You haven’t finished it as yet! You started it eating that orange half an hour ago & you are still at it!

Why does it take you so long? Do try and hurry up!”. This harried mother’s voice echoes the feelings of countless others ass the day begins, with the pre-schooler apparently dawdling over the morning meal. We parents operate with an eye on the clock while children function at their own pace. A three or four year-old just doesn’t know the meaning of ‘hurry’ or the importance of time or those goals are time-centered. Thus he dawdles, stares, ruminates, and stops suddenly, infuriating you to the extent of wanting to tear your hair out in sheer frustration. Restrain yourself from doing the latter as it will only leave you with bald patches while your pre-schooler stops to stare with that ‘mamma’s gone mad’ kind of amazement, wasting even more precious time.

The world is a big place

Your child is in that point of time when he is discovering that the world is a big place with so many things to explore. A ray of sunlight catches their attention, fascinates them, draw them on to wonderingly explore the tiny specks of dust so clearly visible. We adults who have seen it all can recognize his fascination but fail to understand why it occupies his attention for so long. We shatter his absorption by a strident “come on! Its just a ray of sunlight.” His reply “but it was beautiful,” remains unuttered as he takes in the pinched nostrils, the frowning forehead, and follows you obediently.

“I want to share these special moments with him but honestly if I stopped to be fascinated as he was with every little thing, I’d never get to work!” Moans a mother of a four-year old, torn between wanting to share her child’s excitement and the world ruled by time. Perhaps if we start our morning routines a little earlier we may be able to share a moment or two of wonder with our pre-schooler and still have enough time left over for the innumerable tasks we need to do prior to leaving for work.

Helping out

We are all familiar with the many occasions we’ve considered it too time consuming for our child to complete a task by himself and rushed in to do it ourselves-doing up his shores, pushing his arms through the sleeves and so on. Your more individualistic youngster protests that he can manage it and a tussle ensues. Others just become slower as they can’t relate to ‘hurry’. At these times, just occupy yourself with other chores, preferably in another room so that you are not tempted to ‘helpout’. With practice you’ll find it easier to let your child manage tasks by himself, leaving more time for you to do your own work.

Motivation

If we don’t rush and push, our children can accomplish much more than we credit them with. For example if we allow a three-year-old to just walk without fixing a destination or setting a pace, we’ll find that she can cover a fairly long distance. But the minute we bring in factors like reaching on time, your child feels exhausted, only to suddenly get activated at the sight of a point of interest further up the road! It’s motivation that matters. The same child who took ages to swallow a mouthful wipes her plate clean when it’s a favourite, or when the same food is served differently making it more appealing.

Not doing anything

There will be times when your child will just like to be, without doing anything, that is according to our perception. But they are not doing ‘nothing’. They are watching and absorbing, sometimes pondering and deciding. Children need this time to just be in between periods of activity. He may need this private time. These bouts of inactivity or apparent daydreaming are not a sign of some illness coming on, your child is only unwinding. At these times it’s best to let him be when he wants to do something or join an activity, he will. Cajoling him or trying to snap him out of it may backfire and you may be left facing an even quieter, mutinous child.

Pre-planned quality time

Working parents often rely on quality time for active interaction with their children. The problem begins when your child is occupied with other things and may not be too keen to actively participate in the interaction. While the busy parent feels the need to be seriously child –centered at these times, cramming in all the things that she feels are necessary to bond with her child, her pre-schooler rarely needs his mother at her convenience. He’d rather just play around in his mother’s vicinity. When you force unwanted attention on your child, he may respond with monosyllables or show disinterest by dawdling over the activities. All your child needs is to have you there, occasional cuddles and kisses and the freedom to do what he pleases. So just be there as that is the only kind of ‘quality time’ your preschooler wants.

Give him space

A child doesn’t need to be stimulated continuously. He may just need to be quiet to think his own thoughts and to just sit and stare. “When does a child find time to consolidate, to calm down, to take stock if not at these moments of quiet?”

Your child is at these times just finding a way out from a world that is heavily controlled by others so just leave him alone. A pre-schooler is expected to attend play school, participate in activities there, play during a noisy and frantic break and then respond intelligently and at length to the stream of questions his mother directs at him no sooner has he stepped into the house. If he is given space, it is normally in front of the television with thousands of images invading his mind-so where is the time to just be?

When a child is not given these moments, he may rebel by refusing to be rushed, or by deliberately slowing down.

Let childhood be the time of their lives

The pre-school years are the time when we must allow our children to take what time they need for themselves in order to grow spontaneously. These are the years when we need to allow them to relax-to sit and look if he wants to, to enjoy things to his heart’s content, to be quiet as long as he wants to and free of all pressure to constantly hurry him along.