To Lend an Ear

To Lend an Ear!

Listening to your child will set the pattern for his communication skills

There may be many ways to establish a bond with your child and one of them could be to listen to him. At this age, when your child’s vocabulary and language skills are expanding, talking and communicating with you can make him feel secure and cared about.

It is important

Listening to your child will increase your understanding of his thoughts and feelings, his concerns and his `little world’. Often, with the pressure of everyday life, we may fail to take notice of what the child is seeking our attention for. Your four-year-old runs up to you, asking you to hear what his friend had told him in the play school. You are in the middle of your preparations for dinner and you listen to him with half-an-ear. The child, even at this age, may realise that he doesn’t have your full attention. When children feel they have something to say or to show and are repeatedly ignored by a `too busy’ adult, they may give up and quit trying. The result is that the child then does not communicate well and it may even stifle the growth of the child’s mind, ability and self-confidence. Or your child, trying to get the attention due to him may start to misbehave or through tantrums, which is bound to affect you, your child and the family atmosphere adversely.

Effective Listening

To foster better communication, listen and communicate as clearly as possible exactly what you mean. By listening to what your child may be trying to communicate, you can be an active and responsive parent. This means listening to both the verbal and non-verbal messages. Spoken words are only part of the message. Be aware of cues like lack of eye contact, clenched fists or a hunched posture. A child at this age may stumble while trying to verbalize his thoughts so, by giving him time to express himself you can be of help to him. When relating and communicating with a young child, it may be best to not respond with commands, solutions or lectures. Instead, if you are trying to tell something to your child, keep your language simple and don’t pass on too many messages at once. It may even be best to use just one-word messages. It may also help to repeat back what your child says to you and to check out whether you understand his thoughts. Reflecting back on meanings can then, help you to understand your child’s message. Silent acknowledgement along with a nod of the head, or even eye contact is also useful. Even if the child is angry, disrespectful or loud, take a moment to consider the message the child may be trying to convey.

Value his thoughts

Everyone’s feelings have worth and it would help to show your pre-schooler that you acknowledge and respect his feelings, too. Look for ways to spend special time with your child. make the effort and the time to be with your child as an involved, interested and non-judgmental parent. At the same time, it is important to listen with respect. Similarly, listen to your own words and think how your child will interpret them. Try to ask him the kind of questions that would encourage him to give you specific information about his feelings. Don’t wait for an opportunity to stage a conversation, instead talk to him for instance, about his day at school. A child’s concerns may be different than yours but the feelings, the emotions are the same. The child, therefore, should be confident of the responses he’ll receive to his conversations.

There is a need to foster in him the freedom to express his feelings and views without fear of ridicule or judgement. Somebody had said that listening is love in action. When you listen, you teach the child that he is important. The child then learns to trust his perceptions and rely on a relationship based on open communication. Sometimes children have hidden fears that they may be unable to talk about. By listening and encouraging your child to communicate with you, you can cue in to your child’s world.